We're four weeks into the NFL season now, and so that means we know some things are probably true. We know that the Bills and Eagles are probably good. We know the Titans and Jets are probably bad. We know that, no matter what, the Chiefs are playing in the AFC Championship Game. In the fantasy league, it's not quite so simple. Sure, Won't You Be My Naber? is 4 - 0, but losing Malik Nabers to a season-ending ACL tear is the fantasy-equivalent of witnessing Mr. Rogers commit a murder-suicide. Unsettling stuff. Needless to say, that does not bode well for My Naber's chances down the stretch. Likewise, losing Lamar Jackson for multiple weeks is going to be a major problem for Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen. The Seanquiftadors suffered their first loss of the season too. It's looking awfully flimsy at the top. But I think we can all agree that Team Larison is in rough shape. So we know one thing at least. Let's get into the results... Not So Better Business Burrow (125.0) defeats CD brkn Lambstring (94.0) David Montgomery, where did you go? Lambstring needs you, especially because it doesn't look like Brian Thomas Jr. is going to show up this year. And what did I tell you all about the NSBBB? They're about to go on an unholy run. Losing Burrow was a blessing, not a curse. Daniel Dimes is the truth. And so is Josh Jacobs. And Amon-Ra St. Brown. And Quinshon Judkins and Emeka Egbuka if we're being honest. Just wait 'til Isiah Pacheco gets going. His team is stacked. All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeantys (125.0) defeats Chuba The Hut (91.5) Ashton Jeanty, welcome to the NFL! It had been a quiet start for the Raiders rookie, and the Jeantys were correspondingly weighed down by his lackluster production. Well, 31-points makes up for it. Chuba, meanwhile, keeps alternating between Rhamondre Stevenson and Jacory Croskey-Merritt, and never seems to pick the right one for the right week. The real problem was leaving D.K. Metcalf on the bench, though. Leaving Woody Marks on the bench was forgivable, because he was an unknown quantity, but this is likely the last time the Texans rookie seen Chuba's bench for quite some time. Bo Mamba (126.5) defeats Uncle Waldo (79.0) It should surprise no one that Bo Nix finally broke out for the Bo Mambas. He was playing the Bengals. The Bengals make mid QBs look like Dan Marino. If a QB is on the waiver-wire and is playing the Bengals, pick them up. Seriously, QBs playing the Bengals average 17.0-points per game. That's basically Dak Prescott every week. The Mambas are the weekly high-scorer for the second time this year, but he hardly needed it, because Uncle Waldo basically mailed this one in. James Cook keeps showing up, but life is about to get really hard for Justin Herbert now that both of his starting tackles are down. Ja'Marr Chase is ready to go on vacation. A.J. Brown is still on his Super-Bowl vacation. The A.J. Brown-for-Romeo-Doubs-benching that no one saw coming is about to happen, folks. Won't You Be My Naber? (110.5) defeats Seanquiftadors (101.0) Losing Malik Nabers is a setback, but My Naber still has some pieces. Jaxon Smith-Njigba has become Cris Carter, and Travis Etienne looks completely over his 2024 struggles in Liam Cohen's offense. Derrick Henry playing next to Cooper Rush, however, sounds about as appealing as getting blown by a garbage disposal. Justice Hill could have been the difference for the Seanquiftadors, but the guy had been irrelevant for three weeks. That said, Chase Brown has been irrelevant all season. Having to start Keenan Allen also feels pretty bad. But Jalen Hurts and Jonathan Taylor will continue to be a potent combo, and if Courtland Sutton keeps popping off like this, the Seanquiftadors might have enough to make up for some glaring weaknesses. Team Kaz (105.0) defeats Team Larison (105.0) Well, someone had to finally get a win. Team Larison blew his first good Patrick Mahomes game because the Ravens D is hot garbage. They've been in the negatives every game this year outside of Week Two against Cleveland. At least Saquon Barkley keeps scoring touchdowns. Team Kaz was also burned by their defense, but solid performances from Drake London, R.J. Harvey and Jahmyr Gibs combined with a monster game from Justin Fields was enough to overcome the Packers D/ST. Ladd McConkey is still a drain on the roster, so it might be time to turn to Tetairoa McMillan. And don't look now, but Kyle Pitts is the 8th-ranked TE in fantasy... Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen (102.0) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (92.0) The second Brother Bowl of 2025 goes to Bech, but realistically, the Spiders could have won this game easily. Many kickers on the waiver-wire are capable of 10+ point games. Cairo Santos, Brandon McManus, Nick Folk and Joshua Karty all scored better than 11 in Week Four and all were on the waiver-wire and all remain on the waiver-wire. In other words, each of those kickers are currently available as we speak. Will the Spiders take the hint? I have my doubts. So, while Bech managed to make it to 3 - 1 on this year, this feels like a slightly fraudulent record. Right now, they're turning to Tua Tagovailoa while Lamar Jackson recovers from a hamstring injury, which is like downgrading from a Ferrari to a Pontiac Aztek. Puka is definitely doing more than his fair share, but you know who's this team's real MVP? Dallas Goedert, who's averaged 11.3 points per game and is tied with Kyle Pitts as the 8th-ranked TE in fantasy despite missing Week Three.

The theme of Week Three was blowouts. Seven NFL teams won by double-digits. The Vikings, Seahawks and Panthers all won by 30 or more. Meanwhile, the average margin of victory in the CincyItIsUs Fantasy League in Week Three was just shy of 25. The Seanquiftadors took center stage and won by 53. The Not So Better Business Burrow shook off an early-season catastrophe and won by 44. Everywhere you looked was mass slaughter. It's often said that the first couple weeks of the NFL season are basically an extended preseason. The fantasy season is obviously much shorter, so we don't have that luxury. In a similar way, though, Week Three in the NFL and the Fantasy League could be instructive in telling us which teams are for real, and which are just plodding along until their untimely demise. The Bengals are kidding nobody after their debacle in Minnesota. Likewise, as much as I hate to say it, it's getting hard to buy into Team Larison making a mid-season turnaround. Very few teams in the NFL get into the playoffs after starting 0 - 3. Only six have ever accomplished the feat. I don't have the numbers in front of me, but no team has ever recovered from an 0 - 3 hole in fantasy, and you'll never get me to believe otherwise. So, sorry Team Larison, sorry Team Kaz. The season's not over but...yeah, your season's over. They're NOT FOR REAL. There are some REAL teams out there, though. I've crunched the numbers, and I know with absolute certainty which teams in the Fantasy League are made up of the right stuff. This process was incredibly rigorous and scientific, and were made without any semblance of bias, whatsoever. Let's get into the results... Not So Better Business Burrow (118.5) defeats Chuba The Hut (74.5) In basically the opposite fashion as the real life Cincinnati Bengals, the Not So Better Business Burrow actually showed up in their first game of the post-Toe Burrow era. 32.0 points from the Vikings defense will definitely get the job done. On the opposite end of the Vikings-Bengals spectrum was Chuba The Hut, who may have gotten a little homer-ish going with Jake Browning. The Not So Better Business Burrow appears to be FOR REAL. How else can you explain the way his team rose to the occasion following their leader's tragic toe mutilation? Destiny looks like Daniel Jones. Chuba The Hut, though...I think we all know: NOT FOR REAL. When starting Jake Browning seems like a viable option, you are in deep shit. Not to mention Brock Bowers has disappeared off the face of the Earth. It feels like a half-Chub kinda year. CD brkn Lambstring (81.0) defeats Bo Mamba (80.5) So, remember how this was the Week of the Blowout? One game didn't get the memo. Lambstring clearly made a huge bet on the Lions on Monday night, and he won the fucking Powerball. David Montgomery, how are we doin? 12.0 from Jared Goff and 5.0 from Sam LaPorta and Jameson Williams each isn't exactly lighting up the box score, but it was enough to offset the 0.0-burger from CeeDee Lamb. But, come on, Lambstring is NOT FOR REAL. No team with that many Lions players can be for real. Real life just doesn't work like that. Bo Mamba is also NOT FOR REAL, because any team that buys into the perpetual Jordan Love breakout cannot be for real. Seanquiftadors (114.5) defeats All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeantys (91.5) Can you imagine if the Seanquiftadors got to have the first waiver-wire position every week? What a week for the rookie, who takes home the weekly top-scorer award for the first time this year. 29.0 points from Jalen Hurts, 30.5 from Jonathan Taylor, 20.0 more from Courtland Sutton...that's called firing on all cylinders. Pay no mind to the 3.0 points from Chase Brown, that'll buff out – probably. Dem Jeantys, meanwhile, continue to struggle to find their footing this season, and for that reason, they are NOT FOR REAL. Ashton Jeanty isn't doing much, Mike Evans is going to miss some time, and for as great as Josh Allen is, he can't do it all on his own (like every time he's faced the Chiefs in the playoffs). Dem Jeantys want you to think they've got a fat ass, but in reality, they're thin and top-heavy. The Seanquiftadors, though, are obviously FOR REAL. We all know how this works. He's a rookie. He's basically guaranteed to get one of the top seeds. And Jonathan Taylor is probably going to be Fantasy MVP. We should give him the top waiver wire position every week too. Before anyone puts in a waiver claim, run it past the Seanquiftadors first. Uncle Waldo (86.5) defeats Team Larison (69.5) The first Brother Bowl of the season goes to Uncle Waldo, who finally, finally (finally) got A.J. Brown involved. That's a tremendous sign, because Justin Herbert looks like an MVP candidate and James Cooks continues to deliver. Ja'Marr Chase might not be in-line for another Triple Crown season without Burrow around, but he's not going to put up bullshit 0.0-point weeks like CeeDee Lamb. That's why Uncle Waldo is FOR REAL. He even has the eventuality of TreVeyon Henderson taking over for Rhamondre Stevenson to look forward to. Team Larison, on the other hand... Do I need to say it? NOT FOR REAL. Mahomes running for gutsy first downs looks cool on TV but they're pretty much useless in Fantasy. Saquon Barkley is having the regression season everyone feared. Tee Higgins has fallen off the face of the map. Team Larison is having the season from hell. They're basically the Houston Texans. Won't You Be My Naber? (99.5) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (98.0) Okay, so two teams didn't get the memo about Blowout Week. Our new Naber is making himself right at home in the Fantasy League, as is tradition for rookies. They're definitely FOR REAL. They'll be facing the Seanquiftadors in the Championship Game more than likely. The real story is the Spiders. Don't kid yourself, they are FOR REAL. They've kept an inactive kicker in their starting lineup since Day One and are only 1 - 2 on the year with both of their losses coming by a combined 13 points. They should terrify you. They're the sleeping giant. For the love of God, do not wake him – for everyone's sake. Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen (129.5) defeats Team Kaz (96.5) One of the more modest "blowouts" of the weekend, Bech made it happen with consistency across the board. Lamar Jackson did his thing, Nico Collins finally did his thing, and Jordan Mason filled in for Aaron Jones and did his thing. Textbook. Team Kaz could have beaten half the teams in the league with their performance, but they needed a little more to avoid the 0 - 3 start. Drake Maye should change his name to Drake Maybe This Pass Will Be On Target. I could see Team Kaz making a run toward the end of the season as they finally get their act together, but by then it will be too little too late. They're basically the Miami Dolphins. They're NOT FOR REAL. Bech is also NOT FOR REAL. That 2 - 1 record is as thin as their roster. The bench is barren. Travis Hunter was a complete waste of a pick. Jack Bech has already been sent packing (but no, the name is not changing). Bech is not happening this year. And those are the results for Week Three! Good luck next week, everyone, and don't forget to let the Seanquiftadors know who you want to pick up on the waiver-wire!

Pour one out for the Cincinnati Bengals, who got the devastating news yesterday that Joe Burrow will be undergoing surgery to repair torn ligaments in his big toe. He'll be out three months. It's a tremendous blow to the Better Business Burrow, who are likely undergoing a hasty re-brand as we speak. On the bright side though, Burrow is a near-lock to win his third Comeback Player of the Year award in 2026! Apologies for the tangent, but if you're Joe Burrow, do you even want another Comeback Player of the Year award? Isn't it almost insulting as this point? Currently, he and Chad Pennington are the only players to win the award more than once, and while Pennington was a nice player in his heyday, for Burrow, being mentioned in the same breath Pennington has to be extremely discouraging. That's neither here nor there. We're not here to discuss the Bengals' future – we're here to discuss fantasy football. This is the world of the Seanquiftadors and Uncle Waldo, not the Bears, Broncos or Buccaneers. The term "next man up" is basically gospel when it comes to the NFL, but it's equally true in fantasy. Nobody feels sorry for the Better Business Burrow (least of all not me, who lost Austin Ekeler and Aaron Jones for the foreseeable future this weekend). It's time for C.J. Stroud to step up – and if that's doesn't work out, you could always turn to Tua! Even better, Jake Browning is available, and I'm going to say there's at least a .09% chance he's as good as Burrow anyway. Still though, football (fantasy or otherwise) isn't as fun without Joe Burrow, and I can guarantee you this season won't be as fun for the Better Business Burrow. Oh well, on to the Week Two's results... The Better Business Burrow (101.5) defeats Bo Mamba (95.5) Well, at least they went out with a bang! A 7.0-pointer from "Brittle" Joe Burrow couldn't stop the BBB from blazing past Bo. Of course, it helps when Amon-Ra St. Brown catches 300 touchdown passes against the dumbass Bears. And it definitely doesn't hurt that Kyren Williams might be losing his job to Blake Corum, upending Mamba's best-laid plans. Enjoy this one, BBB – the next one might prove elusive. Seanquiftadors (82.5) defeats Chuba The Hut (81.5) This is the equivalent to a 10 - 9 win in the NFL. It all came down to Las Vegas vs. Los Angeles on Monday Night, and the Seanquiftadors pulled out the razor-thin win thanks to old man Keenan Allen. Of course, Chuba probably isn't too pleased with my advice to play "Bill" Croskey-Merritt over Rhamondre Stevenson. Honestly, Chuba could have played just about anyone else on his bench and come away with the victory. 16.5 points from Juwan Jennings? 14.0 from Bhayshul Tuten? 14.5 from Quentin Johnston? Chuba has the deepest bench in the league...and absolutely nothing to show for it. C D Lamborgini (107.5) defeats Team Larison (106.5) This is the equivalent of a 24 - 23 win in the NFL, and this one also came down to Monday Night. Those 2.5 points from Omarion Hampton don't look like much, but to the Lambos, it means everything. Also, it just occurred to me, but Lamborgini is spelled wrong in C D Lamborgini. It should be spelled "Lamborghini." He's missing the H. Feel free to tell him, but I get the feeling it's not going to be fixed and I'm going to be bothered by it for the next fifteen weeks. Just a hunch. Spiders Under My Bed (106.0) defeats All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeantys (81.5) Just so everyone knows, I did try to tell the Spiders that his kicker is not actually playing football at the moment, but apparently he has a serious attachment to Jason Sanders, and he's just not willing to part ways with him. I respect that kind of integrity. I hope he maintains that integrity at least until Week Four. On the other hand, not a great look for the Jeantys. Perhaps the real Ashton Jeanty has too much Ashton in his Jeantys and it's slowing him down, because he's done basically jack-shit so far. Won't You Be My Naber? (109.0) defeats Team Kaz (98.0) Who needs running backs anyway? That's the question My Naber is asking, as he grabs his second victory of the season despite a grand total of 5.0 points from Derrick Henry and Breece Hall combined. I guess when you have Malik Nabers, you can play whoever you damn well please. Meanwhile, Team Kaz got an epic performance by his kicker Brandon Aubrey, who I'm convinced is simply not human. Those 23.0 points went a long way – and Justin Fields' 3.0 points went in entirely the opposite direction. Uncle Waldo (121.0) defeats Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen (99.0) Uncle Waldo was cooking this week. Now, if only the Eagles would throw A.J. Brown the ball...then imagine how incredible his team would be! Jalen Hurts' inability to pass aside, Waldo paced the league this week, taking home the top-scorer title for Week Two by an impressive 12.0-point margin. Sadly, this might be the week Bech officially does not happen, because he is on the chopping block. For the record, I will not be changing my team name though. It's simply too good. And the picture is too good. I'm keeping it. Try and stop me. And those are the results for Week Two! Good luck next week, everyone, and try to stay healthy – only joking BBB, please don't give my website an F.

Week One of the 2025 NFL Season (and by extension, Week One of the Fantasy Football season) officially came to an end last night with the Chicago Bears blowing a double-digit lead to the Minnesota Vikings. How very Ravens of them... Week One is always a dicey affair. Many of these results will look strange and bizarre by season's end. Likewise, some of these fantasy results will have us scratching our heads in a couple months. First, congratulations to John, manager of the Mo Bambas, the recipient of our first-ever in-season prize money as the week's highest scorer. Don't spend that $15 in one place! His team looks formidable...except for for the namesake of his team Bo Nix. Like me (manager of Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen), he might be going for a re-brand here soon enough. But yeah, weird week. The Lions and Chiefs looked suspect. The Packers and looked dominant. The Ravens choked, the Bills are stoked, and the Dolphins look broke(d). Before you say it, no, I am not buying into Danny Dimes and the Colts. And because this is the NFL, everything we've learned this week will likely be meaningless in seven days. The fantasy MVP of the week is undoubtably Josh Allen, who put up a monster 38.0 point game for All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeanty's, a staggering 41% of his team's total points. The next highest-scoring player in fantasy was (no surprise) Lamar Jackson. Following him were Justin Fields and the aforementioned Danny Dimes (surprise). Overall, it was just a sluggish week for offenses. We should see more fireworks soon enough. Anyway, enough banter – let's get into the results... Seanquiftadors (107.5) defeats The Better Business Burrow (56.0) Okay, I mean...I know Joe Burrow had a tough game, but come on  – 56.0? That's all you could muster? Grading the Better Business Burrow is easy: F. A strong start for the Seanquiftadors, one of the league's two rookies, but if Team Kaz has taught us anything, inexperience matters little. Of course, the Broncos won't get to play the Titans every week, so maybe this is just beginner's luck... Bo Mamba (118.5) defeats Team Larison (97.0) The league's top scorer won the week through a complete team effort. Zay Flowers led the way with 23..5, one of six starters for the Mambas who scored in double-figures. Team Larison put up a heroic fight, and it might have been close had the Ravens not fallen asleep with five minutes to go against the Bills. 97.0 points would have beaten three winners this week. Oh well, sucks to suck. Chubba The Hut (95.0) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (83.5) Yeah, might want to consider setting your lineup every week Spiders (also, we need your buy-in). If you need a kicker, Bo Mamba might be willing to part with Chris Boswell for Christian McCaffrey. Also, tough having two Dolphins players in your starting lineup. Woof. Chubba had himself a nice week  – but seriously man, if I see you leaving Jacory "Bill" Croskey-Merritt on your bench another week and starting Rhamondre Stevenson instead, I'm cutting off one of your big toes. Try me. All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeanty's (93.0) defeats Team Kaz (71.5) Waka Flaka would be proud of the Jeanty's, but probably not so much the actually Ashton Jeanty, who disappointed most fantasy managers. Although, when you have Josh Allen...who the hell cares what the rest of your team does? Leaving Justin Fields on the bench in favor of Drake Maye won't sit well with Kaz, but it wouldn't have changed this outcome. Are we buying into Kyle Pitts though?? Come on, doooo itttttt. Start him! I know you want to... Wont You Be My Naber? (111.5) defeats Uncle Waldo (90.5) The rookies are two-for-two! It could have been an even bigger margin had Derrick Henry not pulled a Jeremy Hill. And man, if Breece Hall is as good as he looked in Week One, the Fighting Mr. Rodgers are going to have a mighty one-two punch at running back. As for Uncle Waldo, keep your chin up  – I'm sure Jalen Hurts will remember A.J. Brown exists at some point this season. Probably. Most likely. Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen (91.5) defeats C D Lamborghini (77.0) Who has two thumbs and three players who made any impact at all this week? This guy! Okay, so my roster might be a little thin...but I have Lamar Jackson so who cares? Also, pay no mind to the fact that the Lambos would have cooked me if they had just played Javonte Williams over David Montgomery and Ricky Pearsall over Jameson Williams. Lesson learned  – the Lions are not the way this year. And those are the Week One results! Congrats again to John for being our inaugural scoring leader. Let's kick it up a notch in Week Two (looking at you Spiders).

Holy shit guys, it's almost December. I know it's cliché, but it's incredible how fast time flies. I remember being in first grade and the idea of being an eighth-grader was like imagining I'd be an astronaut. Now, I'm 32 and I'm more aware than ever of how irresistible the marching of time is. I mean, it's been over two months since the first game of the NFL season was played on September 5th. Hell, it's been almost four months since the first preseason game. What the actual fuck? Life is coming so fast these days, and I know I'm hardly the only one feeling it. A lot of you guys are married, some of you have (multiple) kids. Insane. With that said, I want to apologize for slacking on the weekly write-ups. It's been a wild few months, but hey, you all know that – you're all going through crazy shit all the time too. There's no excuse. I have to (need to) do better. Life only gets in the way if you let it. Still, here's a rundown of the insanity that's been my life over the last 11 months: (I wouldn't blame you because I'd probably do it myself, but if you want to skip this part just scroll past all the numbered paragraphs) 1. Some asshole literally drove his car through the window of my ground-level apartment as I was sitting on my couch watching TV. It was like a bomb went off in my living room. The entire wall looked like it was expanding. My air conditioner flew to the opposite site of the apartment. Drywall and dust were everywhere. I probably don't admit this to myself enough, but I got pretty lucky. I was completely unscathed, and so was my cat and most of my stuff. It was scary as hell though. It's the first and only time I actually considered grabbing my gun for self-defense (not that a long, hunting rifle is much good in a small apartment, whatever). Even as I'm writing this now, I can feel the adrenaline coursing through me. That moment will define the term "fight or flight" for me for the rest of my life. 2. I met a girl that I fell madly in love with. It was crazy. It was the kind of instant attraction that people think is even too corny for movies. We made out in the Mad Tree parking lot (that's a brewery in Cincinnati for you non-Natians) for two hours after our first date. Okay, now that I'm writing that it's a little embarrassing. Actually, fuck that – it was fucking amazing. It was like my perfect idea of a relationship: she turned me on like crazy, we were happy doing anything together, it seemed like we were always on the same page, her family was great, and the fact that she was 420-friendly wasn't too bad either. She was the girl of my dreams. I wanted her to be my wife. And then she dumped me. Out of the blue. Said she'd been feeling this way for months. Never brought it up one time until the day we broke up. I was absolutely, fundamentally devastated. To a certain degree, I still am – it only happened a month ago. She told me she needed to work on herself (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean). She still wanted to be friends and "hang out and be normal" (again, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean). Obviously, that didn't work for me (otherwise, I probably wouldn't be writing this, would I?). How are you supposed to just stop being madly in love with someone? If any of you are capable of doing this, you have my somewhat reluctant admiration (because I think you may be a psychopath) (just kidding). 3. I got a new job. Technically, right before the love of my life dumped me. So walking into work less than 48 hours after having your soul crushed was quite the experience. But here's the amazing thing – I actually love this job. I'm working as an Optometric Technician and it's probably the first time I've had a job that I felt was actually meaningful. It's not easy, and having absolutely no background in biology or anatomy doesn't help, but it's so worthwhile. So, kudos to those of you who work in healthcare – I know Seth and Sully are two, and if I'm forgetting anyone, my apologies. Modern medicine is fucking amazing (also, sorry for the excessive cursing, I don't know what's getting into me). 4. I almost forgot to mention, I also moved into a friend's basement following the car-crashing-into-my-apartment incident. I promise, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm paying rent to help him with the mortgage, and I pretty much have the whole basement to myself (I'll have to send you guys a pic of the new office set-up, I can't lie, it's pretty dope). I feel confident that I'm safe from errant cars (as I knock on wood). But here's the part you guys really need to know: my landlord wouldn't release me from my lease. That rat-bastard played dirty. Honestly, I should have taken him to small claims court, but what was I gonna do? I don't have a ton of money to throw around for lawyer's fee – and how much did I stand to gain anyway? I couldn't risk taking this guy to court and then losing the case. Where would I be then? But in hindsight, that guy was a piece of shit and he needed to be taken to task for his negligence. Anyway, the new place is awesome. That's been a positive development. 5. I'm getting back into shape. I got a membership to the Y, I've been getting up at 5:20 am, and I've been lifting heavy shit and playing basketball. I've also started rock climbing, which is way tougher than it looks and scarier than you think (especially if you're not a big fan of heights, like me). I've found the best way to get to the top is to pretend like there's a monster chasing you. That way, there's no reason to quit and two reasons not to look down. It works for me. It may not work the same for you. Or maybe it will, I don't know. I needed to do something. I need a shakeup in my life. I've been in a big rut. I've been letting things slide (like these weekly write-ups). But the crazy thing is, now that I'm tired and my time is more stretched than ever, I'm feeling really motivated to get back to writing these weekly. I've said it before, but this league means a lot to me. Actions, though, speak louder than words (though in this case, my action is going to be writing words, so maybe that wasn't the most appropriate phrase). Alright, enough preamble. And enough talking about myself. Let's get into The League. Once again, the NFL season has been bonkers, and that's meant unreliable and unpredictable results from the fantasy league as well. We currently have a four-way tie at the top of the standings. Last year, Team Kaz went wire-to-fucking-wire. Parity is back! This has already been quite a long post, so I'll spare you a season-long recap. Instead, just like old times, let's dive into the results from Week 11! Chili's Baby Back Gibbs (73.0) defeats Starvin Marvin (71.0) Tough loss for Marvin. He really needed this one too. He was starving for a win. And of all teams, he was beat by Baby Back Gibbs. That's just mean-spirited. Still, there's no shame is getting spanked by Gibbs. That's six saucy wins in a row for the BBQ Boys. There's no hotter team in the league (both figuratively and in terms of food). Team Kaz (61.0) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (45.5) Okay, what the hell was this garbage? Kaz, Spiders...the fuck are we doing here? Show the hell up. You both combined put up less than five different teams. This matchup was less interesting than Tyson v. Paul, and that's saying something. It might have helped if...oh, I dunno, you didn't have three players in your lineup that didn't play, hmmm Spiders?? Of course, I haven't been doing these write ups, so maybe I don't have room to talk... Eh, fuck it. Uncle Waldo (134.0) defeats Hurts Don'ut (132.5) I feel like I shouldn't even make jokes about this. I thought my girlfriend dumping me was devastating but man, Don'ut, that's got nothing on this loss. Do you need anything? A hug? Can I make you some soup? I just feel awful... I hate to say it (that's a lie), but this loss pretty much kicks Don'ut out of the playoff picture. He's a lot like the Bengals right now: mostly dead. Of course, mostly dead means slightly alive. But he's pretty much dead. Amon-Ra and Roll (120.5) defeats Team Hood (96.0) If I had to describe this win in terms of a rock song, it would be What a Fool Believes by The Doobie Brothers, because if Amon-Ra thinks this win and his pathetic 1% chance at the playoffs is anything to get excited about, a fool is putting it mildly. In NFL terms, this was Bryce Young and the Panthers beating Derek Carr and the Saints. Good for both of you! Team Larison (127.5) defeats Butker!? I Hardly Know Her (66.5) Rare miss by Butker. Maybe you shouldn't have been so preachy to women, you fascist. You're just like the Nazis, telling women they can be mothers and shit. You're worse than Nazis – you're Soviet Nazis. You're a Soviet Nazis who like to drive Hummers and call people "bro" all the time and wear sunglasses indoors. I hate you. Team Larison, good win. Way to put that fascist in his place. Way to respect women. My body my choice. The future is woman. Please don't show this to any of your wives or girlfriends, guys. Chase Bank (122.5) defeats Kim jong un (94.0) My original team name was a little wordy, so I decided to shorten it. Besides, it's not like DJ Moore is doing all that much to hold up his end of the bargain. Ja'Marr Chase is fucking money like Scrooge McDuck, and like McDuck himself, Ja'Marr is going to be swimming in a lake of gold coins if he wants to after this offseason. He has the Bengals by the tip of the scrotum. They are so screwed. There is no earthy way the Bengals can allow Ja'Marr to walk this offseason. He is going to blow right past Justin Jefferson's deal. He might make that deal look like our Social Security benefits in 30 years. Alright, enough of the Bengals tangent – in terms of fantasy action, it was nice to see capitalism get a win for once. Nobody's talking about it, but capitalism is the underdog these days. Absolutely nobody's talking about this. The media isn't talking about it. You have to do your research. I appreciate the hell out of you guys. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for continuing to be a part of this league. Good luck next week.

Can you believe it? Let me know all of your thoughts on the Bengals' improbable Super Bowl run and their chances against a hungry Los Angeles Rams team. Super Bowl LVI will be played in SoFi Stadium, the Rams home turf. How sweet would it be to win the ship in their building?