Hello Everyone!
I'm so excited to welcome you all to the 2023 CincyItIsUs Fantasy Football League! It's going to be another great year of football, and I wanted to take this time to go over a couple league rules:
League buy-in is $100 this year
If you have not submitted you buy-in by the end of WEEK 3, you are ineligible for prize money
Prize money is as follows: 1st place receives $800, 2nd place receives $400
For those that may have missed it, our draft order was determined by drawing names out of a Santa hat (the evidence has been uploaded to YouTube and can be found embeded at the bottom of this post). ⬇️⬇️
Here's a preview of the upcomming slate of WEEK 1 matchups:
Kupp of Strawberry S-Herbert vs. Team Larison
Team Larison comes into WEEK 1 as the heavy favorite over Kupp of Strawberry S-Herbert
Notable Injuries: WR Cooper Kupp (Questionable, hamstring), RB Breece Hall (Questionable, knee)
Team Hood vs. Kim jong un
The defending champions take on the mighty dictator of the People's Republic of Korea
Notable Injuries: QB Joe Burrow (Questionable, calf)
Uncle Waldo vs. Team Bookshar
Team Bookshar takes on a silly goose
Notable Injuries: WR Terry McLaurin (Questionable, toe), TE Mark Andrews (Questionable, undisclosed), WR Jerry Jeudy (Questionable, hamstring), WR Allen Lazard (Questionable, shoulder)
Team Kaz vs. Team Mills
The newbie squares off against a grizzled vet
Notable Injuries: none
Roy Donk vs. Coach
Coach is going to try and teach Roy Donk a lesson
Notable Injuries: WR Jaylen Waddle (Questionable, abdomen), WR Romeo Doubs (Questionable, hamstring), RB Jonathan Taylor (Out, ankle), K Eddie Pineiro (Questionable, groin), TE Zach Ertz (Questionable, knee), RB Zack Moss (Questionable, arm)
Team Battista vs. Spiders Under My Bed
Can Team Battista stomp the Spiders Under My Bed??
Notable Injuries: TE George Kittle (Questionable, undisclosed), RB Miles Sanders (Questionable, groin), TE T.J. Hockenson (Questionable, back), WR Jaxon Smith-Njigba (Questionable, wrist), WR D.J. Chark (Questionable, hamstring)
Suspended: RB Alvin Kamara
Week Three is already here guys, and what a start it's been.
Already the 2023 season has been defined by massive injuries to star players like Aaron Rodgers, Nick Chubb, and Aaron Jones. Like always, the waiver-wire is barren.
But still – we soldier on. We do not relent.
Godspeed gentlemen.
As always, let's get into the results from the previous week...
Kupp of Strawberry S-Herbert (122.5) defeats Team Hood (86.5)
Does anybody want Tua? Anybody? Come on, I know one of you wants to take Tua off my hands.
Herbert? Anybody want Herbert? Why did I bother taking two QBs...
Uncle Waldo (114.5) defeats Team Larison (113.5)
Way to win the Larison Bowl, Waldo! Team Larison got a pitiful 8.0 points from Sunshine on My Goddamn Shoulders Trevor Lawrence and is probably interested in trading for a QB like Tua. Intel is fuzzy.
Team Kaz (116.0) defeats Kim jong un (95.5)
A 2 - 0 start for the newbie! Once again, all of North Korea's might wasn't enough to defeat one fantasy football team. Kim, take it from a Bengals fan: Joe Burrow stinks, Tua is way better.
Roy Donk (95.0) defeats Half Chubb at Olave Garden (87.5)
Big dub from the Donkster! Aaron Rodgers who? We're living that Purdy life! But you know, sometimes you need to spice up your QB-life a little. Tua-meric is pretty good, or even an Herb-ert.
Team Mills (102.0) defeats Team Battista (81.0)
Geez Rob, is your entire team injured or suspended? At least Subway Superstar Russell Wilson finally had a decent game, but let's face it: you are feeling Tua. You want him all over your roster right now. And Team Mills can't feel good about Mr. Let's Just Blame the Coaching Staff Justin Fields. How 'bout we get a real, grownup in the building? A guy like, I don't know...Tua Tagovailoa, perhaps?
Coach (114.0) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (108.5)
Get out of the way Coach Prime, we have a new Coach of the Year favorite: his name is Coach...well, actually his name is just Coach, but still – this man is going places! He defeated the Spiders Under My Bed, after all. And he did it without Tua! Imagine what Coach could do if he could harness the Polynesian Power of Tua...
...And those are the weekly results! Don't forget to set your lineup before Thursday Night Football!
Good luck.
Hello Everybody!
Greetings from Saugatuck, Michigan! Today is a very special day: one of our esteemed members – none other than Uncle Waldo Eric Larison – is getting hitched, folks. This is not a drill.
The man otherwise known as "Larry" will be wed today – but don't be fooled. You are NOT OBLIGATED to make unfair trades with him. You DO NOT have to give him your best player as a wedding gift.
In all seriousness, I am so happy for you Eric. You are an unbelievably great guy and I couldn't be happier or feel more honored to celebrate this occasion with you. So raise your glass everyone (given I'm writing this at 10:30 am, maybe just raise your coffee mug), and let's toast to the coolest, chillest dude we know. Congratulations buddy.
Alright, now that we've got the formalities out of the way, let's dive into the results from Week One (apologies for not having this done before the Thursday Night game, but wedding stuff, ya know?):
Team Larison (123.5) defeats Kupp of Strawberry S-Herbert (100.5)
Team Larison apparently doesn't come from the Zac Taylor school of not being ready for the start of the NFL season. Powered by a monster game from Tyreek Hill (38.5), Team Larison came out of the gates swinging and set the new season-high scoring mark. Solid effort from a depleted S-Herbert squad, who lost Cooper Kupp to injured reserve before the season and "accidentally" started an inactive Rashaad Penny. Oops.
Team Hood (106.5) defeats Kim jong un (65.5)
Apparently, being an absolute dictator is harder than it looks! Despite basically enslaving the entire population of North Korea, Kim jong un was unable to break the 70-point barrier. Team Hood patriotically bombed Kim into oblivion. Job well done.
Half Chubb at Olave Garden (85.5) defeats Uncle Waldo (54.0)
Half Chubb did everything short of crashing Uncle Waldo's wedding and grinding on the officiant. Apparently Waldo's mind must have been on the upcoming festivities, because it was light-years from fantasy football (given his pitiful performance). Maybe now that Larry is getting married, perhaps his wife Megan can give him some pointers? Somebody's gotta help this guy...
Team Kaz (85.5) defeats Team Mills (68.5)
Team Mills, our most prominent and esteemed shit-talker failed to back it up. I mean waaaaaay failed to back it up. 68.5 f-ing points? That's it? Congratulations to Team Kaz for picking up their first fantasy win – but I wouldn't count on it being this easy every week. But actually, you play Kim jong un this week, so maybe not.
Coach (100.0) defeats Roy Donk (78.0)
How 'bout them Cowboys? Coach is fired up. Roy Donk tried to hang in there, but he was eventually hog-tied and left on the train tracks.
Team Battista (177.0) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (84.0)
Team Battista was clearly unafraid of those Spiders. Even though they're under his bed. He swatted those pesky Spiders! Of course, with 57.5 points left on his bench, the Spiders might just be lurking...biding their time...waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike... Or not. Probably not.