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Having Fun with College Football Naming-Rights


Apparently, there isn’t enough money in college football.  Not yet, anyway.  The Big 12 has big plans.  Haven’t you ever looked at the Big 12 Conference and wondered, “Why isn’t it the Allstate Big 12 Conference?”


Well, wonder no more.  If reports are to be believed, the Big 12 is considering just that.  For a few hundred million, who wouldn’t?  Hey Allstate, if I change my name to Allstate Altenau, can I get, like, $200,000?  I’m willing to negotiate…


Reactions to this news were, predictably, dour.  The takes were, mostly, predictable.  Blah blah blah “back in my day” and blah blah “corporatization of college athletics” blah and “unintended consequences” blah blah.  College football brought in $3.3 billion in revenue last year, and the Big 12 alone was responsible for a conference-record $470 million alone.  Now the money’s getting out of hand??


The clutching of the pearls is nothing new.  College football reacted the same way when Name, Image, & Likeness was legitimized.  The complete professionalization of college football (and basketball) is marching forward, but that won’t stop a few NCAA executives and athletic directors from digging in their heels from time to time.  But we all know where this is going – and how it’s going to end.


Someday – maybe very soon – the Big 12 will have its naming-rights sponsor.  Then, the rest of the conferences will follow suit.  There’s too much money to be made.


For now, the internal debates will continue, but that doesn't mean we can’t wildly speculate on the potential naming-rights sponsors.  Allstate might be the favorite to represent the Big 12, but we can do better.  Hey, Big 12, don’t sell yet, you haven’t heard these ideas yet!  As a matter of fact, I’ve come up with the perfect naming-rights sponsors for a bunch of conferences.  I promise, you won’t be disappointed…


The Big 12 ➡️ Big Dunkin’ Donuts Dozen.


The Big 10 ➡️ Save Big Ten Money at Menards.


The SEC ➡️ Madoff Investment Securities SEC.


The ACC ➡️ Carrier AC ACC.


The Pac-12 (or whatever remains of it) ➡️ Pac Sun Pac-12.


The Conference USA ➡️ Microsoft Zoom Call Conference USA.


The Mountain West Conference ➡️ Coors Light Mountain West Conference (could it be anything else??).


The American Athletic Conference ➡️ American Airlines Athletic Conference.


The MAC ➡️ Big Mac MAC.


The Big East ➡️ Hobby Lobby Big East.


The Pioneer League ➡️ Volkswagen Pioneer League.


The Patriot League ➡️ Lockheed Martin Patriot League.


The Ivy League ➡️ Wrigley’s Ivy League.


The Big South ➡️ Waffle House Big South.


The United Athletic Conference ➡️ United Dairy Farmers United Athletic Conference.


The Southland Conference ➡️ Buc-ee’s Southland Conference.


The Big Sky Conference ➡️ SpaceX Big Sky Conference.


The Northeast Conference ➡️ Old Bay Northeast Conference.


The Great West Conference ➡️ Mormon Tabernacle Choir Great West Conference.


The Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference ➡️ Al-Jazeera Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference.


The Sun Belt Conference ➡️ Avocados from Mexico Sun Belt Conference.


The Coastal Athletic Conference ➡️ Evinrude Coastal Athletic Conference.


The Missouri Valley Conference ➡️ The Missouri Valley Conference by Build-A-Bear Workshop.


The Ohio Valley Conference ➡️ Krogers Ohio Valley Conference.


The Southern Conference ➡️ Cotton Mill Southern Conference.


The Southwestern Athletic Conference ➡️ Southwest Airlines Southwestern Athletic Conference.


I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.  We shouldn’t be afraid of change – at least, not this change.  Sure, history and tradition are being punted to the wayside, but just think of all the jokes we can make now!

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