CincyItIsUs Fantasy League – Week Seven

Seven weeks in, and it feels like it’s all up for grabs.  In the League – and in the NFL – no unbeatens remain.  There is no juggernaut this year.

I’m not going to say that anyone can win the championship.  The Spiders Under My Bed and the New York Jets aren’t making any championship games anytime soon, but I’m open to just about any other possibility.  Injuries are playing their part in leveling the playing field.  Opportunity is still out there for a plucky underdog to make their run.

Every team in the league has its strength – and its flaw(s).

Take Won’t You Meet My Naber? for example.  They lost their namesake player to a season-ending injury, but between Jaxon Smith-Njigba and George Pickens, they’re rocking the best receiving duo in the league by miles (and as someone who jettisoned his namesake player after two pitiful weeks, I can also respect that My Naber is keeping Malik Nabers on IR instead of banishing him to the waiver-wire underworld).  They even have a front-row seat to the Bake Show in Tampa – though that show was a flop in Detroit.

The real problem is their running game, or rather, a lack of it.  A trio of Breece Hall, Travis Etienne Jr., and Derrick Henry sounds good in theory, but reality is a bit different.  Hall plays for the Jets, and they run the ball a lot, and that’s good, but their QB is Justin Fields, and he’s awful, which means Hall is running into a meatgrinder most Sundays.  Etienne looked like a breakout player after four weeks, but his production has dipped noticeably of late.  And honestly, we don’t need to get into all of Derrick Henry and the Ravens’ problems.

The Not So Better Business Burrow continues to kick ass, and despite losing their namesake player for the majority of the season, they might be the most well-rounded team in the league, sporting top players at every position.  Daniel Jones, in particular, has been a revelation, and don’t expect his production to dip anytime soon (in the NFL regular-season, anyway).  Quinshon Judkins also might be a total stud for the Browns.  That bodes incredibly well for the NSBBB, but Danius Denarius lives to sabotage playoff runs for NFL and fantasy teams alike.  Keep an eye out for that.

Every team in the League is like this.  The Seanquiftadors are riding the tried-and-true, dominant-RB-equals-championship strategy (shout out to Todd Gurley and the Gurley Mans), but having Chase Brown as your RB2 is like building a racecar with a lead engine.  Bijan Robinson is hotter than Dijon right now, and Bo Nix continues to defy all the laws of reason and physics that we have, and that’s great news for Bo Mamba, but their WR situation is so bad Jack Bech might actually be an option for them.  Even Chubba the Hut, who we all left for dead weeks ago, could still be in the mix if Rico Dowdle turns out to actually be Jamal Charles in disguise.

As it stands, almost halfway through the season, no team has been mathematically eliminated.  I will physically kiss my own asshole if Team Larison makes it to the playoffs, but according to the laws of “math” he’s still in the running.  Alternatively, even at 6 - 1, the NSBBB could still miss the playoffs.  I can’t say for certain that stranger things have happened, but they must have.

Let’s get into the results…

Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen (79.5) defeats All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeantys (69.5)

This was a game decided by defense.  On one hand, we have the Jeantys rocking the trusty Steelers defense, the heirs of the Steel Curtain, a team synonymous with defense, playing the pathetic Bengals and old man Joe Flacco.  On the other we have Bech is Happening taking a flyer on the miserable Panthers defense.  Their only recourse?  The Panthers were playing the Jets.

We all know what happened on Thursday when Flacco turned back the clock.  The Steelers defense managed to finish the game with exactly 0.0.  The Panthers, meanwhile, feasted on Justin Fields and the atrocious Jets to the tune of 18.0, just the second time they’d crossed the 5.0-threshold this year.  The lesson here?  Just play the defense that’s playing the Jets.

Not So Better Business Burrow (112.5) defeats Won’t You Be My Naber? (108.5)

In a clash of titans, the running backs got the better of My Naber.  The Quinshon Judkins three-touchdown game was not on most people’s radar, but then again, the Dolphins defense might actually be that bad.  Remember the previous lesson about starting the defense that’s playing the Jets?  Another lesson is prioritizing any running back about to face the Dolphins – they’re allowing 159.3 rushing yards per game!

Team Kaz (135.5) defeats Uncle Waldo (125.0)

This one has got to sting for Uncle Waldo.  125.0 points beats all but two teams.  A win this week could have kept Waldo in the thick of things.  Instead, he gets clowned by former 1 - 5 basement-dweller Team Kaz.

Still, for a couple of 2 - 5 teams, both Waldo and Kaz have a lot to like.  They both have superstars in Ja’Marr Chase and Jahmyr Gibbs, they both have good QBs in Justin Herbert and Drake Maye, and they both have a variety of players who can make an impact on any given week.  Putting it all together, though, has been almost impossible for both sides.

Spiders Under My Bed (85.5) defeats CD brkn Lambstring (72.5)

This was a bad loss for Lambstring.  They’re the Steelers of the Fantasy League right now.  How can you lose to a team that has two injured starters, not to mention a kicker who hasn’t been active since before the season began!?

Oh, because CeeDee Lamb was on their bench.  Wait – scratch that, he was still on IR.  And that’s about as bad as starting a kicker on IR every week.  Not totally as bad, but very very close.  With the win, the Spiders keep their insane season alive, while Lambstring will try to pick up the pieces next week against the Seanquiftadors.

Chuba the Hut (101.0) defeats Team Larison (67.0)

Jayden Daniel might miss a couple games, which doesn’t bode well for Chuba, but as long as they keep getting surprise production from guys like Quentin Johnston, Rhamondre Stevenson and Cade Otten, they might have just enough to withstand the loss and stay in the playoff hunt.  Of course, it didn’t take all that much to overcome Team Larison this weekend.  Starting a defense on a bye is pretty bad, but the fact that it’s the awful Ravens defense anyway makes it unfathomable.  

Bo Mamba (141.0) defeats the Seanquiftadors (120.0)

Bo Mamba takes home the weekly high-scorer’s title for the third time this year, and they really need to get on their hands and knees and thank Bo Nix for this one.  For about three quarters, Nix had done jack shit.  Then, in the fourth quarter, Nix turned into Lamar Jackson mixed with Dan Marino.

Don’t look now, but the Mambas have won their fourth straight following a 1 - 2 start.  They’re hitting their stride at the right time.  The Seanquiftadors, meanwhile, can’t be counted out despite the loss.  The Jonthan Taylor formula is still working to perfection, and that’s good enough to beat most anyone week to week, and if Rashee Rice is actually this good coming off his suspension, everyone watch out.