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Can We Send Deshaun Watson to the Moon, Please?

Photo Credit: Keith Allison, CC BY-SA 2.0 <>, via Wikimedia Commons

Deshaun Watson needs to go away for a while. Not to jail, obviously, as his lawyer Rusty Hardin has made explicitly clear. Just away. Like, far away. How far? Just keep going, and we’ll let you know when to stop.

In a shocking New York Times report, journalist Jenny Vrentas uncovered that Watson had met with at least 66 different women over a 17-month span from fall of 2019 to spring of 2021. He was, of course, looking for a “massage.”

By this point, we’ve started to get a clearer picture of Watson’s M.O. He targeted black women in particular, seemingly looking for massage therapists with little or no experience. He got them to secluded, isolated places like his home, their home, or a suite at the Houstonian Hotel. He would strip and ask them to begin working his butt or his inner thigh. Once fully aroused, he would flip over and begin propositioning, sometimes by pleading with them to perform a sexual act or by cleverly causing his penis to hit their hand or something - yeesh.

Talk about calculated. Even before the Times article came out, Hardin was making things harder for his client when he implied on a radio show that what guy in the listening audience hasn’t gotten a “happy ending” when getting a massage. Well, I, for one, have never gotten a massage in my life, so…ah but wait, I wasn’t in the listening audience - you got me there, Rust.

To date, Watson is facing 24 lawsuits, with no sign of any settlement on the horizon. These will all be going to trial, baby. Buckle up.

This is the part where I should probably remind you that, at this point, Watson hasn’t been found guilty of anything and there’s a slim, almost imperceptible chance that the Watson/Hardin tag-team spectacular could win every last case, but I wouldn’t bet your house on it.

24 women will have their day in court. They will have their opportunity to tell every single, gruesome detail. It could get ugly. It’s already ugly. This whole story is disgusting.

That’s why Watson needs to go very far away. The NFL should suspend him for at least the rest of the 2022 season. This would, honestly, be doing Watson a favor, as he could have time and space to figure out how he’s going to deal with the 24 lawsuits staring at him. It would give NFL fans, and Browns fans (i.e. female Browns fans) in particular, the chance to not think about this creep for a while.

I still say Watson’s suspension should be at least one game per pending lawsuit. But the NFL needs to do something. The chorus of disgust is growing every day.

So let’s send Deshaun to the moon. Hey, Elon Musk, do you have any room on one of those Space-X rockets? Are you too busy trying to buy Twitter for some reason? Ok, nevermind.

This madness needs to end. Watson may not be guilty of a crime that the state of Texas could prove, but he’s guilty of being a freaking weirdo who preys on massage therapists in the hopes of coercing them into sex. For his sake, for the sake of the women he preyed on, for our sake, for everyone’s sake, just make this guy go away for a while. We could all use the break.

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