Week One of the 2025 NFL Season (and by extension, Week One of the Fantasy Football season) officially came to an end last night with the Chicago Bears blowing a double-digit lead to the Minnesota Vikings. How very Ravens of them...
Week One is always a dicey affair. Many of these results will look strange and bizarre by season's end. Likewise, some of these fantasy results will have us scratching our heads in a couple months.
First, congratulations to John, manager of the Mo Bambas, the recipient of our first-ever in-season prize money as the week's highest scorer. Don't spend that $15 in one place! His team looks formidable...except for for the namesake of his team Bo Nix. Like me (manager of Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen), he might be going for a re-brand here soon enough.
But yeah, weird week. The Lions and Chiefs looked suspect. The Packers and looked dominant. The Ravens choked, the Bills are stoked, and the Dolphins look broke(d). Before you say it, no, I am not buying into Danny Dimes and the Colts. And because this is the NFL, everything we've learned this week will likely be meaningless in seven days.
The fantasy MVP of the week is undoubtably Josh Allen, who put up a monster 38.0 point game for All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeanty's, a staggering 41% of his team's total points. The next highest-scoring player in fantasy was (no surprise) Lamar Jackson. Following him were Justin Fields and the aforementioned Danny Dimes (surprise). Overall, it was just a sluggish week for offenses. We should see more fireworks soon enough.
Anyway, enough banter – let's get into the results...
Seanquiftadors (107.5) defeats The Better Business Burrow (56.0)
Okay, I mean...I know Joe Burrow had a tough game, but come on – 56.0? That's all you could muster? Grading the Better Business Burrow is easy: F. A strong start for the Seanquiftadors, one of the league's two rookies, but if Team Kaz has taught us anything, inexperience matters little. Of course, the Broncos won't get to play the Titans every week, so maybe this is just beginner's luck...
Bo Mamba (118.5) defeats Team Larison (97.0)
The league's top scorer won the week through a complete team effort. Zay Flowers led the way with 23..5, one of six starters for the Mambas who scored in double-figures. Team Larison put up a heroic fight, and it might have been close had the Ravens not fallen asleep with five minutes to go against the Bills. 97.0 points would have beaten three winners this week. Oh well, sucks to suck.
Chubba The Hut (95.0) defeats Spiders Under My Bed (83.5)
Yeah, might want to consider setting your lineup every week Spiders (also, we need your buy-in). If you need a kicker, Bo Mamba might be willing to part with Chris Boswell for Christian McCaffrey. Also, tough having two Dolphins players in your starting lineup. Woof. Chubba had himself a nice week – but seriously man, if I see you leaving Jacory "Bill" Croskey-Merritt on your bench another week and starting Rhamondre Stevenson instead, I'm cutting off one of your big toes. Try me.
All Dat Ashton In Dem Jeanty's (93.0) defeats Team Kaz (71.5)
Waka Flaka would be proud of the Jeanty's, but probably not so much the actually Ashton Jeanty, who disappointed most fantasy managers. Although, when you have Josh Allen...who the hell cares what the rest of your team does? Leaving Justin Fields on the bench in favor of Drake Maye won't sit well with Kaz, but it wouldn't have changed this outcome. Are we buying into Kyle Pitts though?? Come on, doooo itttttt. Start him! I know you want to...
Wont You Be My Naber? (111.5) defeats Uncle Waldo (90.5)
The rookies are two-for-two! It could have been an even bigger margin had Derrick Henry not pulled a Jeremy Hill. And man, if Breece Hall is as good as he looked in Week One, the Fighting Mr. Rodgers are going to have a mighty one-two punch at running back. As for Uncle Waldo, keep your chin up – I'm sure Jalen Hurts will remember A.J. Brown exists at some point this season. Probably. Most likely.
Stop Trying to Make Bech Happen (91.5) defeats C D Lamborghini (77.0)
Who has two thumbs and three players who made any impact at all this week? This guy! Okay, so my roster might be a little thin...but I have Lamar Jackson so who cares? Also, pay no mind to the fact that the Lambos would have cooked me if they had just played Javonte Williams over David Montgomery and Ricky Pearsall over Jameson Williams. Lesson learned – the Lions are not the way this year.
And those are the Week One results! Congrats again to John for being our inaugural scoring leader. Let's kick it up a notch in Week Two (looking at you Spiders).
I'm coming for the title!